My Master

It is true...I have a Master. My husband finished his Master's degree in Educational Psychology a couple of weeks ago, but his revisions were officially accepted today! Halleluiah!! 9 years of post-secondary education,3 degrees, and a crazy amount of student loans later, he is done! He has promised me he will not go back to school until I am done my Master's and for this, I am very grateful.

My husband is a smart, sweet, and successful sexy man and I am very proud of him! Congratulations, oh Master!

N.B.: I told him I would call him Master when he was finally done and I am very pleased that I can cross that humiliating task off my to do list:)

Changes

Earlier this evening, Brendan and I were talking about how many changes we've experienced in the last few years. We've also prepared ourselves for big changes, found peace with that change or picture, and then that picture was never painted...on more than occasion! I am struggling with finding a balance between living for today and preparing myself for the future (i.e., appreciating where my life is today instead of obsessing over our adoption!) I tend to draw vivid pictures in my mind or fantasize about how our future will look. You'd think I would have learned by now that it's never the picture I have planned, but apparently not.

And yet, we always said that we were going to go to Africa 2 or 3 years after we got married. Brendan also said that we were going to watch the World Cup. Maybe it is the picture we had in mind, just painted with a different brush.

It's official

Today we pulled the plug on our adoption from Ghana with Imagine. I took a deep breath and sadly let them know that they could officially pull our file this afternoon. Pretty hard to believe it's over and yet it feels like forever ago that I sat in front of that first shocking email that stated that adoptions in Ghana were not looking good.

Here's hoping the next path is a little less turbulent. My heart goes out to all the families who have suffered and continue to suffer in their adoption journey. Some day....:)

Thank you God for my sister!

Sisters always know what you need!

Batman and a beautiful witch seeking candies on Halloween!


Batman with our little stinker!

And a thoughtful care package sitting on my door step just because she's sweet!

If you read this, thanks Danielle! I am very grateful to have such an amazing sister!

Fired?!!

We've had a really nice day today with two of our nieces and nephews. We went grocery shopping, went swimming, made personal pizzas, and watched a movie. We honestly laugh out loud all the time when we are with kids! They're just so freaking funny...I constantly regret not having a video camera rolling. Although we literally have at least a dozen moments that left us roaring with laughter I'll share one moment that had me in tears.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday so I encouraged the kids to make her a card. They were both more than happy to do this, but N. tends to have issues with attention. After approximately 2 minutes at the table, N. started wandering, daring his uncle not to tickle him, and the usual avoidance tactics. I encouraged him to come back to the table and finish his card for his mom. "But I can't draw her" he replied. "Why don't you try drawing something else?" I responded. (Bear in my mind my husband's birthday card was a big scarecrow so it's not as if there's usually deep-seeded, personal meetings in the cards he makes!:)) Needless-to-say, he convinced his eager sister to draw a picture of their mother. She wrote a few things on the card for him and when he asked her what they said, she very honestly replied, "Happy Birthday Mom! Love N. And this part says, H. drew this" (an arrow pointing to the picture of their mother). N. gasped in disgust, "What?!" H. very honestly responded, "Well I did do it, N." "Scribble it!" N. exclaimed. H. hesitated for a moment. "Scribble it!" N.'s voice was becoming increasingly loud and intense. So H. very quietly scribbled over the writing that credited her art work. Despite his sister's compliance, N. continued to grumble "You said, love H. and it's not. It's from me! It should say love N., but you wrote love H." H. responded with a bewildered look on her face, "No I didn't. I said H. drew this...that's it." "Oh" N. responded with a tone of surprise and simplicity. After a moment of silence and a few more scribbles, he looked up at his sister and said, "Well you're still fired".

A dull, numbing pain

I seem to be in a bit of a rut lately. It's a rut or a pain that I truly cannot articulate. It's like a constant dull and numbing pain that hovers over and around me all day, every day. I like to think that people around me can't see this dull, numbing pain - that I work through my day as cheerfully as I normally would (or not )! But maybe they can. Maybe it shows that I am only intermittently engaged in everything that I do, every paper I read, every conversation that I have.

I know that there are many beautiful people who have suffered so deeply from various losses so it is not that I feel sorry for myself. But this doesn't change that I feel that a part of my heart is missing. As my husband said this morning, "A part of my spirit is broken".

I don't like being like this, but I don't really know else I can do besides take it day by day and try to enjoy the gifts as they come.

I realize I have been a bit of a downer recently...I promise to find something positive to blog about very soon whether or not I find my way out of this rut!I am the kind of person who needs to say my thoughts and feelings out loud to work through them and unfortunately (for you), this is where I've been letting them go recently. I just don't have anywhere else to share them because most people just don't understand...and I like to give my husband a break from my rants once every couple of hours or so ;)

God's gift to PAPs

Godiva chocolates and private offices...I don't know how I would do it without these two things today!