Switching to Wordpress so come out come out wherever you are!

I've decided to switch over to wordpress for a couple of reasons. First of all, something went bonkers on my blog quite a while ago and I can no longer post pictures. And secondly, we may choose to go private in the very near future and wordpress has some very nice options for this. I realize that there are always going to be lurkers on blogs (including family members), but I am going to ask ALL of you lovely people to leave a comment in the near future so that we know who and where you are, and are more informed before making some decisions.

Our new blog can be found at http://darbsm.wordpress.com/. We'll see how this goes...this may or may not be my last post on this blog. I have imported all posts from here to the new site, but haven't figured anything else out so I am happy to take tips and suggestions!

Thanks!

Mary and Brendan

The Call - Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

As you can imagine, my "to do" lists are accumulating by the hour! It it so overwhelming and surreal - I am struggling to get through them. So I've decided to spend a little time writing about our life-changing day: Tuesday, Feburary 16th, 2010.

January 30th we said good-bye to our first "son", Gabe. Brendan was working out of town that day so coming home to an empty house was very difficult. To be honest, the tears poured down my cheeks for hours. I cracked that day and sent our agency director an email, stating that I knew he probably couldn't tell me anything, but I had to get the email out of my system. To our surprise and amazement, I received a response from him on Monday morning telling me that as far as he knew, we were not matched. That basically meant that it could a week (highly unlikely) or it could be 2 more years. That email gave me such a sense of peace and faith. I am so grateful to him for taking the time to encourage me to be patient in our journey and trust that our social worker is looking for children that are ready to join our family. All of the sudden I was okay again. So okay that I told my husband that I thought we should take a very late honeymoon during the Easter break. We were going to go somewhere the winter after we got married and then wound up buying a house. So we were going to take our honeymoon the following year, but decided to adopt instead. Rather than continuing to hold our breath, I decided that it was time to live again...live like our adoption would not happen for another year. Easter break was going to be amazing - just me and my man, sipping a cold beverage somewhere cheap and hot!

Tuesday, February 9th, a colleague of mine received a referral. She is adopting domestically and I was happy for her...simple as that. After showing off her baby's pictures to me on Tuesday, February 16th during the lunch hour, she said, "You're next!" To which I replied, "No I'm not, but I'm okay with that. I really think it's going to be another year or so." I went and ate my lunch and made my way back to my desk about 20 minutes later. If you've been following my blog for a while, you will remember that in December I posted about the infamous words that everyone in Sk. waits to see: "Govt of Sask". I see these words on my caller I.D. sometimes at work, but that's because many of the children I work with are in care.

I'm thinking it must have been around 1:45 when my phone rang. I looked down at the I.D. and saw "Govt of Sask". I could hear my heart racing, my breath became short; I just knew. I picked up the phone and muttered, "Hi" (just so you know, I typically do answer the phone like a normal professional). "Hi Mary. It's your social worker, Kevin Kane." "Uh-huh", I very impolitely mumbled. "How are you?" he very casually asked. "Fine?! How are you?" (Read: YOU ARE TORTURING ME!!!!!) "Good. I have a proposal for you!" "Really?? Really?? No..." (and I'm sure more nonsense along that line). I felt my body falling off my chair...my knees and hands shaking, my heart still beating louder than his voice. "Have you called my house? Have you spoken to Brendan?" I asked. "No", he said. "I will email you the referral. Please make sure you take the time to read everything before you look at the pictures and blah blah blah". This led me to think, 'my kid(s) must be pretty freaking cute'!!! "Okay, I am going home to Brendan. He is home sick. Please don't call him". Shaking, I made my way through my office towards the entrance. My boss was not in her office, but I was leaving anyways. Our administrative assistant asked, "Did you bite your lip or something?" (I cannot even imagine the look on my face, but it was obviously pretty funny!) "No, but I am going home. I think we have children". I stood at the doorway, trembling. Tears began to fall down her cheek. "What are you doing?!" she asked. "I don't know. I don't think I can drive". "Oh who cares!" she said, "You'll get there eventually!" And with that, I ran to my car, praying and crying. I somehow made it home, but will admit to three near-accident experiences! As soon I opened the door, Brendan's voice called from the basement, "Hi. What are you doing home?" No answer. "Mary, what are you doing home?" He was sick, but I am cruel so I said, "Come upstairs". I had not decided what I would say despite the fact that I have fantasized about this moment a million times. I remembered that we had a bottle of champagne in the fridge collecting dust, waiting for this very moment. So I pulled it out and set it on the counter just seconds before he turned around the corner. He looked at it, looked at me, looked back at it...poor guy looked like he'd seen a ghost! "We got the call", I whispered. He came over and just hugged me. I explained that I had no idea who they were...if there was one, two, girl(s), boy(s), but all of this information was waiting in my email. We hugged again and slowly made our way down to the computer. We held hands and stared at the blank screen for a few moments until I asked him, "Are you ready?" I'm sure we both looked like lost puppies, but we held on to one another and pressed that magical button. That magical button told us the lives of our children. I read through the pages of information out loud (the writing was really small and his eye sight isn't great). By this point, my hands are shaking like a drug addict in detox! Brendan held them so tight. We took a short break to breathe in between the words and their pictures.

My heart ached for them and for their mother. My eyes were amazed by their beauty! Her gorgeous dimples, beautiful smile, and piercing eyes! His big eyes, soft curls, and perfect skin! I looked to my husband and asked, "So what do you think?" "Yes! Of course!" We hugged and cried and the phone calls began. Correction, I phoned our social worker, our agency, and families. Brendan began sawing away at walls downstairs! If you know Brendan this is funny because it sums him in a nutshell! Everyone I called would ask, "How is Brendan? What is he doing?" "I don't know...I can hear a saw or something going down there. He's already started on the necessary renovations!"

I realize this is a long and boring post that only we will be interested in reading and re-reading, but every moment of this day was truly amazing and I will never forget it. That night our families came over to celebrate, see their pictures, and crack that dusty bottle of champagne! February 16th, the day that changed our lives forever!

Govt of Sask...for real this time!!!

We got our referral! Typing those words gave me butterflies. I keep on thinking I am going to wake up from a dream, but I'm pretty confident I am awake. My 7-year-old niece was asking me about how I was feeling last night (she is an old soul) and she said, "It is so amazing! You must think, 'This is a dream, but it's not because you keep on sleeping and then waking up and sleeping and waking up again...and no dreams last that long!'" I gave her a big hug because not only had she read my mind perfectly, but it confirmed that I truly am awake.

Our children are so beautiful. We cannot wait to hold them, hear their voices, rock them, read to them, kiss their soft cheeks, make them laugh, wipe away their tears...just be with them. Our son is 3 years and 9 months and his sister is 8.5 months old. Our families are thrilled and the cards and gifts have already started pouring in! These little ones are so loved and they don't even know it yet. We are planning to leave in 2 and a half weeks...crazy!

I have hesitated to post this amazing news for so many reasons, but it is an amazing blessing and we want to share our news to the world. We also want all of our waiting friends to know that we will continue to pray that they are united with their children very soon. Please keep us and our children in your thoughts and prayers over these next few weeks as we prepare to combine our families!

I love my man, I'm a liar if I say I don't...

Although I know the rest of the words to that song aren't exactly romantic, I love that line. My husband and I have shared so many great moments together with a little Billie Holiday playing in the background. But this post isn't about our shared love of music, it is about my love for my man.

For those of you who don't have the pleasure of knowing Brendan, he is an amazing person. Brendan is a cute, funny, sweet, and caring guy. We were friends for a couple of years before we dated and I remember watching all of my friends turn to him for advice and support. He is such a warm, intelligent, and compassionate person, people are just drawn to him and immediately feel comfortable with him.

Children flock to him. It's to the point where my siblings and I can't help but feel jealous because even our 18 month old niece runs straight to "uncle" after not seeing any of us for 4 months. She calls for me now, but I'm pretty sure it's just because she knows that if I'm around, uncle can't be too far away! My theory is that little children feel at ease with him because he is so calm and happy. The older children obviously love him being with him because he's such a fun guy. He didn't get the nickname "Uncle FUNcle" for nothing!

Brendan is also incredibly sweet and loving. I was telling a friend one day that sometimes when I'm with him, I seriously think that I am a model. I truly believe that I am the most stunning creature to walk the earth. Walking by the mirror is always a pretty harsh reality check, but I get over it pretty quickly! This is how he makes me feel, every day. Beautiful, intelligent, special, interesting, talented, and completely loved. Last week we were chatting and he looked into my eyes and said, "I'm excited for tomorrow. I'm excited to come home from work to see you! And I'm excited for the next day. I'm pretty lucky because I feel like this every day!" I am so lucky to have someone who continues to feel that way after 10 years. The truth is, I'm excited to come home and see him every day too. But who wouldn't be?!

I could go on for hours, but maybe I'll save the rest for future posts ;) I just wanted to take the time to brag about my amazing husband and thank him for his friendship. There is no one else I'd want to take this journey with.

Good-bye

Well, it's been quite an emotional week. Our dear boy, Gavus, had to go home to Brazil on Saturday. Gavus (as he was so affectionately "nicknamed" by our nephew) lived with us for a year. It was an amazing year with this 16-year-old boy. He came here a very insecure, awkward, and sad young boy and left a confident, empathetic, and sweet young man. It was such a privilege to get to know him!

We grew to love Gavus and he became one of the family very quickly. He cut his summer vacation short to come back for the extended family camping trip in August. He spent hours in the kitchen baking and chatting with me. The poor kid came home way too many times to me chopping veggies and crying over dinner. He certainly got to see first-hand how adoption is not an easy path!

I spent several hours crying uncontrollably after our final good-bye on Saturday. Thankfully for my husband, his departure hasn't totally set in yet so I'm feeling quite happy the last couple of days to get some privacy with my man.

Gavus was placed in our home for a year by nothing less than an angel. He would tell you that he had an amazing year and he definitely grew in ways that none of us could have imagined. But the fact is, he helped to fill a hole in hearts that was burning so deeply. We will always love "our first son" and we look so forward to introducing him to our children! Love you Gavus!

1 year and 1 day

It has been 1 year and 1 day since we officially started our adoption (papers signed). It has been 10 years since we met. It has been 8 years since we first seriously had the family planning talk, 6 and a half years since we started dating officially, and 2 and a half years (and a day) since we got married. Wow! It feels like it's been 5 years since we decided to move on from our dream of adopting from Ghana. Time is such a mystery.

I've been in the nesting mode lately. Today I found myself walking up and down the baby/children ailes of Superstore picking up items and putting them back. This act, in and of itself, might be a relatively normal thing to do...if I hadn't done it yesterday as well! As I swallowed back the growing lump in my throat all I could think was, "At least I can have a glass of wine with supper!" Just trying to find the bright side of the adoption wait!

1 year certainly isn't a long time in the adoption world and I am well aware of that. I don't know how so many of our friends find the strength to continue to wake and work every day after 2 or 3 years into the process. My heart goes out to them and I keep them in my prayers every day.

Slightly contraversial...

I had an interesting conversation with a good friend tonight that led to an angry rant from my husband. She asked me what I thought about the orphan situation in Haiti. All I could say was, "What exactly are you referring to? The whole situation is unimaginable". She went on to say something about children being sold for $50.00 and then asked me what I thought about adoption in this situation. I was a little stunned to be honest. All I could do was tell her stories that I knew of from other prospective adoptive families who were matched with children prior to the earthquake who can not just go pay 50 bucks and pick up their future child. I talked about how I pray every day not just for my children, but for their mother as well. She may be sick, she may have died, or she may be giving them up because she cannot afford to feed them. Her pain is unimaginable. "Oh", my friend said, "I had never thought of it like that before". I think about it all the time because I am the adoptive parent. And this trauma (a child being permanently separated from their parent is traumatic) will affect my children, their mother, and our relationship so deeply...forever. Even as I type these words, I feel the need to defend our unconditional love for these beautiful children. This is where my husband's rant came from.

Why would people even believe that we would want to take a child that has a parent or family member that could care for them? What do you say when people compare you to Angelina Jolie?! Yes, we want to see our beautiful children's faces, hear their voices, and "bring them home", but we would never ignore or deny the fact that our family is being built from a tragic situation.

It is horrific that there are millions of children in the world that do not have a home, food, and the comfort of their mothers arms rocking them to sleep every night. I am blessed and fortunate, and I have done nothing to deserve being born in Canada. The sad reality is that we are here, longing for children to love, teach, comfort, and rock to sleep every night. And there are millions of children that need this. So we gratefully and humbly welcome them into our hearts and our lives.

I try to not get angry and defensive when ignorant adoption comments arise, but I don't always know how to be address them. Let's be honest, most people don't want a dissertation so if you've got some suggestions I would love to hear them.