I had an interesting conversation with a good friend tonight that led to an angry rant from my husband. She asked me what I thought about the orphan situation in Haiti. All I could say was, "What exactly are you referring to? The whole situation is unimaginable". She went on to say something about children being sold for $50.00 and then asked me what I thought about adoption in this situation. I was a little stunned to be honest. All I could do was tell her stories that I knew of from other prospective adoptive families who were matched with children prior to the earthquake who can not just go pay 50 bucks and pick up their future child. I talked about how I pray every day not just for my children, but for their mother as well. She may be sick, she may have died, or she may be giving them up because she cannot afford to feed them. Her pain is unimaginable. "Oh", my friend said, "I had never thought of it like that before". I think about it all the time because I am the adoptive parent. And this trauma (a child being permanently separated from their parent is traumatic) will affect my children, their mother, and our relationship so deeply...forever. Even as I type these words, I feel the need to defend our unconditional love for these beautiful children. This is where my husband's rant came from.
Why would people even believe that we would want to take a child that has a parent or family member that could care for them? What do you say when people compare you to Angelina Jolie?! Yes, we want to see our beautiful children's faces, hear their voices, and "bring them home", but we would never ignore or deny the fact that our family is being built from a tragic situation.
It is horrific that there are millions of children in the world that do not have a home, food, and the comfort of their mothers arms rocking them to sleep every night. I am blessed and fortunate, and I have done nothing to deserve being born in Canada. The sad reality is that we are here, longing for children to love, teach, comfort, and rock to sleep every night. And there are millions of children that need this. So we gratefully and humbly welcome them into our hearts and our lives.
I try to not get angry and defensive when ignorant adoption comments arise, but I don't always know how to be address them. Let's be honest, most people don't want a dissertation so if you've got some suggestions I would love to hear them.
Decadent Instant Pot Chocolate Oatmeal
3 years ago
3 comments:
It's so hard because as much as we long for our family, we know that someone has to undergo tragedy and pain in their lives in order for us to experience happiness.
My advice is education and knowledge. Because sometimes comments that people make can really eat at you and then you say things in the heat of the moment to defend your child that 5 minutes after you say it you wish you would have had a fact or something wiser to say than the stuff that flew out of your mouth.
For instance this Haiti stuff:
-inform people what intercountry adoption actually entails, all of the paperwork, proof that your child is adoptable etc...
-the laws and child rights in all countries involved
-and that everything you read and see on tv about adoption is generally MISSING MOST INFORMATION.
Hope that helps!
This is a conversation that has come up in my home alot lately. Sadly, there is so much misinformation about adoption in general. Ideally, all children would be raised by the birth parent, and if not for them, a loving and caring relative. Knowing that isn't always the case, a system is in place to protect children, and promise them loving, caring and capable parents. THis is not a process that happens overnight, regardless of extreme circumstances. Adoption isn't the solution to what is happening in Haiti. Aid, support, lifting international loans, education, social services is....just a thought.
I'm new to your blog, but really interested to read it...we're adopting from South Africa, and just waiting for "the call".
I think that there are alot of people who don't understand. What we do is educate. Our adopted children aren't "lucky" - WE are the ones who are blessed. Our blessing comes at a cost to the children & their biological family. And we spell it all out. What the adopted children are giving up - their country, climate, family, friends, familiarity & comfort, etc. Plus they really have no choice. The great sacrifice & pain of their family.
We've found that once we put it all out there, the comments will stop - at least from that person.
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