BLAH!

When we started investigating the adoption process and possibilities, we knew there would be many challenges. Upon our enrollment in the Ghana program, we were told it would be a bit of a roller coaster. I naively pictured days of sadness because the wait is difficult followed by days of excitement and anticipation of our children's arrival. Ha! I never could have imagined we would get an email one week stating the program would be shut down in three days unless the impossible happened, and then opening that miraculous email three days later stating that we had more time. Yup, that was a bit of ride, but experiencing this over and over again has left me nauseated, exhausted, drained, and distant.

Tonight, rather than checking my email every 5 minutes to see if Imagine has sent us a miraculous email as I have every other time we were experiencing a dip in this program, I sit here thinking about another program. How can I continue allowing myself to hope in this program? Will I be able to trust another program?! Some of my fears are based on the reality of others' adoption journies, but I can't help but go there in my mind.

And yet, as I told my father last night, I need to throw myself in this in order to prepare myself for our children. I need to continue reading these books no matter how distant it seems today. Journey is such an understatement! I may be changing the title of our blog very soon! I know that I will soon be at peace with the path we are heading down, but tonight, I AM DONE...SOMEONE STOP THE RIDE!